Miss Moron
by Prathdrake
Summary: My third ACHOO fic! A strange, new teacher comes to teach at Hogwarts. i wish i could teel you more, but that would give away the end!


Miss Moron  
  
by Prathdrake  
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A/N: This is an ACHOO! challenge, so the requirements were:  
-A professor must have a radio in his/her classroom.  
-Must include "Misty Seaweed"-colored makeup...whatever that looks like...  
-Someone must say "Bite the wax tadpole."  
-Must mention odd socks.  
-You must use the letter "x"...it's a poor neglected letter.  
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Legal Stuff: I do not own any of the HP terms or characters in this story. They belong to her highness, JKR. Actually, Warner Bros. now.  
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"I wonder who's gonna be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year?" asked Harry.  
  
"I have no idea," answered Ron. "I didn't see a new teacher at the feast." Ron and Harry walked into the DADA classroom to solve their mystery.  
  
Inside was slim lady in a bright blue, yellow polka-dotted skirt and a dark violet, black-striped blouse. But what really stood out about her was her socks. Those knee-high, rainbow, zig-zagged, woolen socks were really a sight to see. And on top of that, they were cleated.  
  
After they had stared at her socks for about five minutes, she noticed them and invited them in.  
  
"Come in! Come in!" she chivied, "My name is Miss Morton. I will be your teacher this year!" Harry and Ron sat down their desks without a word. Ron kept on staring at her socks.  
  
"Get off it!" said Harry to Ron.  
  
"I caaaaaaaaaaan't" said Ron wearily, "Her socks are so hyyyyyyyyyyyyypnotizing..." he slipped into a trance and continued to stare at Miss Morton's socks.  
  
Hermione came into the classroom with a happy look on her face. But once she saw the teacher's ensemble, she stood still, staring at her. Ron suddenly fell out of his trance and yelled a warning to Hermione.  
  
"Look away!" yelled Ron. Hermione slowly tore her eyes away from Miss Morton and sat down.  
  
What's with her clothes?" asked Hermione.  
  
"I don't know," answered Harry, "But we're sure gonna have some trouble when the bell rings." Without warning, the bell rang. A rush of students came into the classroom and all stopped dead when they saw the teacher.  
  
"What cute children!" cried Miss Morton.  
  
"Um... Miss Morton," said Harry, shielding his eyes, "Maybe you should sit down."  
  
"Oh, okay," said Miss Morton. She sat down at her desk and the outrageous socks vanished from sight. The students returned to normal and sat down at their desks.  
  
"Now today, class, we're going to make name-plates for our desk!" The students looked at each other. What kind of lesson was this?  
  
Miss Morton handed out construction paper, tape, scissors, markers and glue. All the students got to work except Harry.   
  
"What's going on here?" Harry asked to himself. He didn't want to stand out, so he got to work too.  
  
****  
  
The next day, Harry, Hermione and Ron had DADA again.   
  
"I don't want to go in there," whined Ron, "She's scary..."  
  
"We'll have to take our chances," said Hermione. In one quick motion, she turned the door handle and swung open the door. They all sighed a sigh of relief when they saw that she wasn't wearing the socks. She was, however, dressed like a nun.  
  
"Welcome," Miss Morton greeted when she saw them. They walked to their seats and sat down. Right after them, the other students came in and sat down, also glad she didn't have the socks on.  
  
"She is so odd," said Harry, "What's she gonna have us do today? Review the alphabet?"  
  
"Today, class," started Miss Morton, "We're going to learn the alphabet." She turned around and started writing the letters of the alphabet on the board.  
  
"See class? A...b...c...d..." She rambled on.  
  
"She is such a moron!" whispered Ron to Harry, "Hey! That gives me and idea!" Ron snuck up to Miss Morton's desk and raised his wand to her name-plate on the desk. He whispered a few words and bright, blue flames shot out of his wand. Ron started to burn off the "t" in Miss Morton, so that it would spell "Miss Moron".  
  
Just as Miss Moron...er...I mean Miss Morton finished writing the letter "x" on the board, she turned around and saw Ron.  
  
"And just where did you get that lighter," asked Miss Morton angrily, "That's a no-no! Go and sit in the corner!" Ron followed her orders and reluctantly slumped down in a corner. In a few minutes, Miss Morton made a cone out of black paper. She took the chalk and wrote a large white "D" on it. She walked over to Ron and stuck it on his head.  
  
"I hope you've learned your lesson," said Miss Morton. She turned to the rest of the class.   
  
"Nap time!" she called, "Find a spot around the room and lay there." The class looked at each other.  
  
"Oh, can you not go to sleep, dearies?" she asked, "I'll play some music." She walked over to the radio on her desk and turned it on. Nothing happened.  
  
"Oh, my!" said Miss Morton, "What ever is the matter?"  
  
"Haven't you ever read 'Hogwarts: A History'?" piped up Hermione.  
  
"Oh you're so funny!" exclaimed Miss Morton, "Who would want to find out about pig boils?" She giggled. Hermione and Harry looked at each other.  
  
****  
  
"Ah," said Ron to Harry, "Thursday. No Defense Against the Dark Arts, if that's what you can call it."  
  
"Attention!" boomed a voice from above him, "This is an announcement from the staff. There will be an extra Defense Against the Dark Arts class for those who do not have it, due to the rumor that You-Know-Who is loose in the forbidden forest. That is all."  
  
Harry noticed a look of pure torture on Ron's face.  
  
****  
  
When Harry and Ron got to the DADA classroom, they saw the entire class crowded around the door. None of them wanted to go in.  
  
"Come on you sissies! We can do it!" encouraged Hermione, who was standing at the front of the crowd. Suddenly, Hermione swung the door open to get the terror over with.   
  
The crowd gasped. Inside was Miss Morton. But it looked like she had a terrible disease. Her face was a greenish-grey and her cheeks were bloated.  
  
"Um...hello..." said Hermione. Miss Morton looked their way.  
  
"You're late!" she said sternly, "Just for that, the entire class will not be having Nap time today!"  
  
"Shame," said Ron sarcastically to Harry. Harry wasn't listening. He was staring at Miss Morton's face.  
  
"Miss Morton," Harry started, "Uh...what's with your face?"  
  
"Oh you mean my foundation makeup?" Miss Morton said proudly, "I like it, don't you? It's called 'Misty Seaweed'. I bought it at this quaint little shop called Zonko's." Ron giggled.  
  
"And what's so funny, young man?" asked Miss Morton.  
  
"Um... Zonko's is a joke shop!" Ron managed to say while laughing. Harry interrupted.  
  
"It's...er...nice makeup, Miss Morton, but...uh...don't you think you have just a bit too much on?" asked Harry.  
  
"I know what you mean," said Miss Morton, "It is a thick variety."  
  
"Just a bit," tittered Ron.  
  
"Well I think we should start the lesson," said Miss Morton, "Please take your seats. Today we will learn about...colors! Come on! Everybody say it! One...two...three...colors!"  
  
"What kind of Defense Against the Dark Arts class is this?" shouted Harry.  
  
"Dark Arts?" asked Miss Morton, "Oh I see! You want art! Lucky for you, color is a part of art! I bet you kindergartners didn't know that! Now back to the lesson!"  
  
"Hold it!" said Harry, "You think we're kindergartners?"  
  
"Of course you are, toddlets!" said Miss Morton.  
  
"Well that explains EVERYTHING!" Ron shouted.  
  
"Are you sure you're in the right place?" asked Harry.  
  
"Well I seriously doubt that I'm in some magic school for wizards," said Miss Morton. Then she laughed at her own little "joke".  
  
"No, don't be silly!" said Hermione nervously, "Of course you're not. Whoever heard of such a thing. He he..." She glanced around the room.  
  
"I do think, however," interrupted Harry, "That you might be in the wrong place. Where are you supposed to be?"  
  
"The Pre-School and Kindergarten Facility on Wall Street, New York,' answered Miss Morton, "This is that place, isn't it?"  
  
"Um...no..." said Harry.  
  
"Then you're not kindergartners?' asked Miss Morton.  
  
"I'm afraid not," said Ron.  
  
"I thought you looked a bit too old," said Miss Morton, "But could you give me directions to get to Wall Street?"   
  
"Not exactly," answered Hermione, "You see, you're not even in the right continent you're supposed to be."  
  
"Oh," said Miss Morton, "I must have made a small boo-boo!"  
  
"Just a small one!" snickered Ron.  
  
I'd better leave then," said Miss Morton as she headed toward the door.  
  
"Wait!" yelled Harry, "I have something to tell you: Bite the wax tadpole."  
  
"What does that mean?" asked Miss Morton.  
  
"It's a Chinese proverb," said Harry, "It so conveniently means: Good luck with your job on Wall Street."  
  
"That's nice!" said Miss Morton, "I'll be leaving now, bye!" She steeped out the door and closed it behind her. A few milliseconds later, Miss Morton's painful scream was heard.  
  
"Oh no! said Hermione, "The stairs must have moved again!"  
  
"Shame," said Ron sarcastically.  
  
THE END  
  
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A/N: After I started writing the story, I found out that my brother (Draco Malfoy on fanfiction.net) was also writing a story about a new DADA muggle teacher at Hogwarts. Creepy.....  
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